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Post by starletinwaiting on Nov 30, 2019 14:58:09 GMT -8
Austen absently plays woth the hem of the baby's blanket as she continues to rest in her arms. "I--" she starts. "I guess. Maybe."
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Post by Joelle on Dec 2, 2019 19:32:15 GMT -8
Celine sits in silence only broken by her daughter's breathing. Sleeping babies are so peaceful! She resists the urge to hum "Silent Night," though the lyrics go through her mind for some reason she can't quite identify.
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 2, 2019 23:42:53 GMT -8
After a beat, Austen sighs and stands, grabbing her bag. "I really should get going. I didn't tell Kit where I was heading when I left and I've been gone awhile. He's probably started to worry about me. Especially with the results of the testing. I have a history of sort of going off the rails."
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Post by Joelle on Dec 3, 2019 9:04:08 GMT -8
"What do you-?" Celine starts, then gets it. "Oh. Yeah. I might, as well- without something to occupy my time. One last question- do you have any hobbies? That may help. Or you could take a class at the community center, like painting or cooking or music lessons. Though even things like that aren't fun- you lose interest sometimes- in the middle of grief. I know. It took me awhile to find a way through the pain- the second time. Actually, if I'm being painfully honest, it took adopting Verity to start it. But everyone is different."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 3, 2019 9:36:37 GMT -8
"Music is kinda my therapy already," Austen says. "My therapy and my sort of career. I was just finishing up writing the last song for my debut album when I met Kit. You're right though about losing interest. After the first miscarriage, I threw myself into it more, but after the second... It just hurt. Especially since the the album was planned to be dedicated to my future children and I just lost my second."
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Post by Joelle on Dec 3, 2019 9:45:58 GMT -8
"I'm so sorry. That has to be hard." There's nothing she can say to take the pain away and somehow that bothers her. If you lose interest in your favorite hobby, it can seem like there's nothing left to occupy your mind that is positive. "If you would need anything else- anything at all, let me know- I mean that."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 3, 2019 14:30:46 GMT -8
Austen nods. "Thank you," she says softly, looking down at her feet. "I might call you after we finally have our next appointment." She pauses as thd thought hits her. "Which would mean I'll need your phone number." She pulls out her phone. "If you're willing to share it of course."
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Post by Joelle on Dec 3, 2019 14:43:14 GMT -8
"Sure. And any time in between- even at night. Theo's not the only one who's occasionally up late ministering. I sometimes think that's when it gets the most real, you know? Because at night you know you're alone. Or you can." She gives Austen their phone number and also her cell number. "Like I said- don't hesitate to let me know if you need anything. You're in my prayers, and I hope today helped." Carefully, she takes the still-sleeping baby from Austen's arms, but Bryony chooses that moment to wake. "Happy to show off your cuteness for an audience?" Celine laughs and kisses the baby's head.
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 3, 2019 14:54:27 GMT -8
"Thank you for listening. And putting up with my questions," Austen says. "And my confusion. It's been awhile since I've had anybody religious really sit and talk things out with me."
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Post by Joelle on Dec 3, 2019 16:21:31 GMT -8
"Like I said, it was awhile after my accident- five years- before I met people who showed me everyone might not be faking it when it comes to being Christian. I kept my faith, but I knew I didn't want to hurt people the way some who claim to be Christians do who seem to think they're better than everyone else- nonbelievers, those Christians not in their sect, differently abled, people of color, to name a few. And I hope I've succeeded- religion or no."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 3, 2019 16:44:21 GMT -8
"You've done better than a lot I know," Austen says. "And for that I thank you. A lot of people would have reacted very differently when they heard that Kit and I aren't married but are actively tryiing for a baby."
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Post by Joelle on Dec 3, 2019 17:06:01 GMT -8
"It's not my place to judge- because I'm only human. I think a lot of people- Christians included- forget that. I also had a lot of siblings who were teen parents- different stigma, but still no reason to judge."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 3, 2019 17:11:23 GMT -8
"Absolutely," Austen agrees. "Now if only we could somehow convince the rest of the world to agree with us on that."
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Post by Joelle on Dec 4, 2019 12:37:25 GMT -8
"Yes..." Celine sighs. "Well, I hope somehow that today helped. Feel free to call or come over if you need to. We're at 1 Ravine Court."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 4, 2019 17:54:43 GMT -8
"I will. Thank you. Take care," Austen says. "You and your little one amd family. The world needs more people like you."
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Post by Joelle on Dec 4, 2019 18:21:47 GMT -8
Celine smiles. "Trust me, I'm working on making sure there are more- starting with our own three."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 4, 2019 18:45:15 GMT -8
"If I ever have any of my own, I'll be trying to do tje same for sure," Austen says softly.
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Post by Joelle on Dec 5, 2019 14:40:50 GMT -8
"Just remember this. I don't know if it helps- but it certainly did for me. He's hurting, too. He may not quite understand some things- we did carry these angels in our bodies- but it can hurt a guy who wants to be a father to lose a child just as much as it can a lady who wants to be a mother."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 5, 2019 15:17:13 GMT -8
"That is true," Austen says softly. "Thank You for that reminder. I'd honestly kind of forgotten about that..."
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Post by Joelle on Dec 5, 2019 16:11:38 GMT -8
"If you need it again, let me know." Celine smiles sympathetically. "Not only in some ways did it help me to focus a little beyond myself to remember my husband's grief, but...it helps when you're sharing the pain, you know? Like...it's not great, but it's great that you're not by yourself."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 5, 2019 18:26:05 GMT -8
"Thank you. I'll try to remember that. Kit's been so good to me through all this, but I know he's probably grieving too. He wants a family just as badly as I do," Austen sighs. "Poor guy probably feels like he has to hide his grief."
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Post by Joelle on Dec 5, 2019 19:13:02 GMT -8
"I think Theo was raised differently- but you're right. A lot of guys whose girlfriends or wives have lost babies probably are and do feel they have to hide it. It's sad for both people involved, really. It might sound weird, but sharing the hard stuff really can make your relationship stronger overall. When you know that someone knows the true depths of your pain and still won't leave..." Celine's own eyes mist over. "I've been there- not only with this, but with the accident, too. Even with telling him about my bio family. And I'm more grateful and in love with him every time. And I hope he knows I'd do the same for him."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 5, 2019 19:53:15 GMT -8
"I know the feeling," Austen whispers. "Kit has had so many opportunities to leave me and he's stuck by me through thick and thin. I know we've only been together... a little under a year now, I guess it is. But he could have bailed so many times. I can't imagine what it'll be like when we have years under our belt."
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Post by Joelle on Dec 6, 2019 5:08:12 GMT -8
(OOC: Yeah, I realize the time is off and she should really be 28 at this point not 32, but the ages of their marriage are correct. Elizabeth said it was okay as long as everything was in order. I think the time jump on the old board threw us off a bit.)
"Having years under your belt... that'll only make you stronger. I was 20 and he was 23 when we got married, but even so. We'd been through a lot together since 2006!" She pauses a moment to consider. "Funny...I make it sound like I was an adult at 17. Well, you know what I mean, right? And we're still so young. But is it horrible that sometimes I feel twice my age?"
She pauses to think about what Austen has just said. "Two in less than a year?" Celine asks softly, almost in horror. "I mean...it sucks regardless, but at least mine occurred in different years. I can't imagine...." she admits. "I'm so sorry. It's exhausting- that level of grief- even just the once. To go through it twice borders on the unthinkable- as we both know. But two in less than a year...I'd be questioning my faith, too. I already questioned...how people reacted. They'd either say things that didn't help, occasionally using Bible verses out of context- or ignore entirely. No cards, calls, or visits. Is it that way for you- the isolation?"
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 6, 2019 7:44:04 GMT -8
Gulping back tears, Austen nods. "A little. I, umm, we almost didn't tell anybody that the second one happened. And with the first one... We'd barely just started telling people we were expecting when it happened." She pauses, swallowing. "And, umm, we- we didn't know we were expecting at all the second time till it... till I lost the baby. Which is a different sort of pain in its own right, you know? To lose what you didn't even know you were expecting."
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Post by Joelle on Dec 6, 2019 10:28:08 GMT -8
Celine winces. "That would be really rough," she agrees. She can't imagine that, either. "In my case, I learned that first-time mothers sometimes don't feel the baby move until 28 weeks! This would have helped me be less scared, but when we lost our other two, I didn't know that. When I found out I might be pregnant- with Bryony- I told Theo, but no one else. Being that I have eight siblings and Theo is one of eighteen, that was a feat in itself! And I didn't feel her move until roughly five months in. I just...decided I wasn't going to actually believe I was pregnant until she moved. It probably sounds ridiculous as there would have been so many other signs- including, in my case, growing out of my current wheelchair and getting pressure sores. Like I said, it probably sounds ridiculous- and maybe a little unhealthy. But I'm sure you would understand the temptation.
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 6, 2019 11:30:41 GMT -8
"Yeah." Austen can't count how many times she's told herself that the next time she gets pregnant she won't count on it surviving full term. After two back to back, she doesn't want to get her hopes and dreams up over something she could so easily lose once again. "I don't knownif I'd even want to let Kit in on suspicions until I get past the first twelve weeks of the next one. Is that selfish?"
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Post by Joelle on Dec 6, 2019 13:08:38 GMT -8
"Maybe not selfish- I understand wanting to spare him pain- but I don't see how you could not. Morning sickness. Weird cravings. Like Dr. Pepper at 4 in the morning (OOC: one of my best friends craved it at that time for absolutely no apparent reason, though she never drank a whole can). Or blueberry muffins with ketchup. (OOC: another thing she ate- kind of an accident, but she said it was good.) Charlie horses. You don't think he'll know automatically?" Despite herself, Celine laughs. "Blueberry muffins with ketchup! Where did that one come from anyway?"
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Post by starletinwaiting on Dec 6, 2019 13:36:25 GMT -8
"He might guess and if he asked, I'd tell him," Austen says, "but I- I don't know if I could handle telling him. I'd get creative if I had to to be able to keep hiding it."
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Post by Joelle on Dec 6, 2019 14:30:39 GMT -8
"You can't hide giving birth. Well, not if your water breaks. Still, you could just...not get big. Then hiding it would be relatively easy. But that's up to chance- and a little bit of genes. And sometimes height."
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