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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 9, 2019 19:04:49 GMT -8
"And those proceedings take time. It's not like we can go in tomorrow and immediately come out divorced. There's lots of paperwork and logistics that we'll have to go over and discuss. Like, who gets to keep custody of the kids or Will that be shared? Am I moving out since I was planning for that? And of course there will be the dividing of property. Though honestly, to make that easier we can just say that you keep it because I'll be coming right back to you eventually."
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Post by Joelle on Sept 10, 2019 14:58:26 GMT -8
"I like that thought. The you coming back part. I guess I just have to put it in perspective for myself. You will be who you believe you truly are, we'll still be together, and those things are all that matter. But boy, I'm gonna miss you while you're gone." He sighs.
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 10, 2019 16:53:10 GMT -8
Anastasia smiles. "I won't be far," she assures him. "I'll probably be just around the corner basically. And I'll probably end up spending a lot of time here anyway. And besides, it's not like that's gonna be happening any time soon. And you're right. It's not going to change anything about us."
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Post by Joelle on Sept 10, 2019 17:20:44 GMT -8
"I think the hardest part will be the nights alone," he admits. "Have we spent a night apart since we've been married- ever? Even when you had the kids I stayed with you in the hospital."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 10, 2019 17:31:16 GMT -8
"Yeah... It's gonna be different for sure. But because we have our own, very unusual reasons for the divorce..." Anastasia shrugs. "I dunno... I could still come over every couple nights or so if it'll help. We don't have to follow the conventional set up of a divorce, Nate. I mean... We're literally planning to get remarried after all of this."
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Post by Joelle on Sept 10, 2019 17:38:49 GMT -8
He smiles. "True, very true." He reaches to stroke her cheek. "I love you." He pauses, then chuckles. "What's your guy name going to be? I don't think we talked about that."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 10, 2019 17:43:11 GMT -8
Anastasia chuckles, shaking her head. "We haven't. I've... been toying with some possibilities. I've actually tried a couple out with my friends in the community. I wanted to keep it similar to Anastasia. I always liked the name. So I was thinking... I dunno, maybe something like... Anthony? Tracey says he thinks it suits me. What do you think?"
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Post by Joelle on Sept 10, 2019 18:20:04 GMT -8
(OOC: I was gonna maybe say that! Cool!)
"Oh, that's awesome! And you'd still have a saint's name. Regardless of religion or non-religion, those seem to be good names, names with- I don't know, luck or power or something. Of course, there was a bishop named Anastasius, but that's not a very common guy name."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 10, 2019 19:02:20 GMT -8
"Doesn't have quite the same ring to it either." Anastasia smiles at the effort. "But I like Anthony. It's got a certain... I dunno, strength to it. And we both know how much strength I'm tonight need moving forward with this. Even if the only strength I've got comes in my name, I'd rather have some than none. I think it'll be a good reminder for me."
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Post by Joelle on Sept 12, 2019 6:45:39 GMT -8
"Yeah. But remember, whether we're physically together or not, I'm always here." He squeezes her hand reassuringly.
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 12, 2019 8:28:05 GMT -8
"I know... And I... I couldn't thank you enough for that. Honestly." Anastasia squeezes his hand back. "I'm really glad that I have so many people-- so many good people-- on my side. It's really a huge encouragement. I mean... I know that I'll always have someone on my side if anything happens. Not that I expect anything to."
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Post by Joelle on Sept 12, 2019 16:12:03 GMT -8
"I hope not. But if it does...we're part of each other. We'll handle it. I bet Brennan and Tracey would have some ideas about handling that crap too."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 12, 2019 18:01:04 GMT -8
"Oh, I've already talked to them a little bit about that, and, yeah, they have plenty of ideas about that. They've given me lots of advice on how to handle this stuff already. They helped me figure out how to talk to you after all."
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Post by Joelle on Sept 13, 2019 10:12:45 GMT -8
"But I mean...especially for you and the kids. Poor things. Me...I guess you know I've dealt with crap regarding the disability. It'll be hard dealing with people...but I'll deal. Because I'm used to it, even if this is a whole other ball game. I suppose there might be people who would argue that I'm following the Bible by staying with the spouse I married- and as far as people accepting us both...we'll start there."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 13, 2019 14:40:33 GMT -8
Anastasia snickers, shaking her head. "Nate, I hardly think the conservative Christians we know are suddenly gonna drop their conservative ideas surrounding gender and sexuality just to uphold the no divorce thing. You know how many conservatives we know who are also divorced? Way too many for that rule to be the standard anymore."
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Post by Joelle on Sept 14, 2019 9:26:47 GMT -8
"There's still gotta be something. There are, for lack of a better term, gay churches, if you'd be open to that. There are people who believe that you can be Christian and LGBTQ+. It's not talked about very much, but they do exist. But I mean, I don't want to subject you to anything. I know you've never been religious the way I am, and that's okay."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 14, 2019 9:54:26 GMT -8
"We can look if it'll make you feel better," she responds. "I know my parents would feel better if I had something like that too." She pauses, momentarily holding her breath befire slowly releasing it. "I'm honna have to tell them too," she sighs. "I wanted to tell You first, though, since it'll impact your life a lot more right now than it'll impact my parents lives."
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Post by Joelle on Sept 14, 2019 10:03:03 GMT -8
"Right. Your parents." He thinks for a minute. "Wouldn't they know some of this, to an extent- at least the body image issues? I'd say if they know that, it shouldn't be too big of a leap for them to think...um, that you might do something about it. Not that it's gonna be easy either way. If it were my parents, I'd sincerely hope they wouldn't disown me."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 14, 2019 10:14:32 GMT -8
Anastasia hesitates, trying gather her thoughts. "They only know to an extent. They don't know how deep it actually goes. They don't understand it, you know? They know that I've never really felt comfortable in my body, but they brushed all that off so I never really told them exactly how bad it's been," she says softly. "You know how parents and authority figures can be. Well-meaning but not understanding fully what the kid needs."
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Post by Joelle on Sept 14, 2019 10:37:30 GMT -8
He nods. "Like with Salome's major depressive disorder, and Therese Bernadette's...well, you know. Maybe your coming out will help her with her own." The youngest sister, who shares his daughter's first name, is secretly bi, but pretends to like only men for the sake of family values, though she has never married.
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 14, 2019 10:50:18 GMT -8
"Yeah. Maybe." Anastasia smiles. "I'd forgotten about Therese's situation. She definitely has an ally in me if she finds herself needing one. It's hard to feel the need to hide something like that. And that fear is real. Fear of rejection. It's why it's taken me this long to come to terms with it myself and be able to share with you."
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Post by Joelle on Sept 14, 2019 14:19:42 GMT -8
"She told me," he says carefully, "That traditions- both Catholicism and our family traditions- play a role in that for her, but that when you hide it so...completely, even saying you agree with stuff you don't, to please people and make sure you stay in a good place with them, it can feel like you're lying to everyone including yourself, at least until you get into a room alone!" He shakes his head. "Was that part of it for you, minus the religion?"
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 14, 2019 14:36:59 GMT -8
"Little bit." Anastasia can't believe she's being so frank. She's held onto this for so long by herself, holding it tightly to her chest so no one could see it, sometimes going numb to it and forgetting its presence herself. "Honestly, being pregnant made it even harder for me, because then even in solitude I couldn't forget. And then of course there were the expectations of your family-- and mine, too-- about us having kids. You know that I've had people asking me when we'll have another baby?"
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Post by Joelle on Sept 14, 2019 16:48:43 GMT -8
"That part I'll miss, I admit. I always thought a couple more would be nice. But I can understand that being pregnant made it hard. No wonder you were so crabby with James!" He kisses her cheek. "I mean, women tell me that being pregnant is hard...but this...almost makes me regret that I wanted kids. If I'd known before..." He trails off. "Well...I don't know, then. But so many things would have been different, even more than they will be now."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 14, 2019 17:12:33 GMT -8
"Babe, I don't regret having the kids. If anything, the experience really just boosted the discovery process. Made it easier for me to grasp what I actually feel about myself and my body. It expedited a process that could've taken longer," Anastasia says. "And though right now would be a horrible time to look i to it what with all of the changes that will be happening, we can always adopt if we decide our four aren't where we want to stop. I know it won't be quite the same as having biological kids, but it'll be helping kids who may need it. The benefits outweigh the disadvantages. But we will definitely want to wait to even consider that until after all of this blows over and gets taken care of. I would not want to bring a kid into all of this mess."
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Post by Joelle on Sept 16, 2019 17:29:04 GMT -8
He sighs. "Yeah, for sure. It's gonna be hard enough with our four. If that's gonna be bad, I imagine an adopted kid would feel downright betrayed- a shakeup in their new family so soon. Still, you never know how much kids are going to understand, and like it or not, we're going to have to make sure our four do."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 16, 2019 18:04:06 GMT -8
"Yeah. I've done research on how to go about doing that too," Anastasia sighs. So much research. It's felt like that's all she's done over the past few years. Almost as if she were still in school. "It's hopefully going to be easier to do than we fear. I mean, they've been exposed to so much more of this stuff than we were at their age."
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Post by Joelle on Sept 18, 2019 17:25:06 GMT -8
"That's true, but even so, Thaddeus is just six, and the others are younger. I don't know how much they can really understand, and that's the hard part for me. You hope they have enough knowledge to know what's going on, but not enough to...to not bounce back easily."
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Post by starletinwaiting on Sept 18, 2019 17:29:46 GMT -8
"I think there are ways to explain it in kid friendly terms, Nate," Anastasia replies. "Ways that they'll be able to understand at least in part what's going on and why the changes will be happening and as they get older, we can tell them more about it. We don't have to tell them everything right off the bat."
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Post by Joelle on Sept 19, 2019 16:57:42 GMT -8
"I just hope it's easier than it sounds," he comments.
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