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Post by starletinwaiting on May 7, 2019 10:18:14 GMT -8
Lucian only half knows what he's saying when he responds, "There's no harm in asking, right?" He hates seeing this girl in agony. He hates seeing her breakdown on his couch. He hates hearing the pain in her voice. And maybe it's just the crush he's begun developing for this girl, but he wants her to be... happy. And safe. And everything that a girl her age should be.
"We can try, yeah," Lawrence's voice interrupts Lucian's train of that, "but Eric is pretty busy. He might be able to give some advice, though. He's pretty good with that."
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Post by Joelle on May 7, 2019 11:14:20 GMT -8
She nods, chokes out "OK..." and buries her face in her hands, crying silently except for a sniffle or two. When she has managed to wipe her eyes and blow her nose again after a few more minutes, she sighs in self-hatred. "I'm sorry...this whole day has been weird. How dare I just- I mean... I'm used to having to warn everyone. But I've done it a million times. That's not it. When I realized that I might have to- again- and ruin my chances with potential friends- Everything I just said- my body overreacted. Like... how much more could I have taken on alone, you know? Maybe this... that it's never been this bad... was my body's way of just... giving up. Like... telling my brain what it already knew anyway- that I can't- alone- anymore." It's all she can say to apologize to them.
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 7, 2019 11:29:28 GMT -8
"No need to apologize," Lawrie says softly. "This family is honestly no stranger to trauma. We get it. You couldn't have chosen a better family to have a breakdown in front of," he teases gently.
"Or a better specific family member," Lucian adds as Lawrence clears his throat and shakes his head.
"Not about that, Lucian," he says softly. "I'm glad you feel safe with us, though, Aurora, and I'm glad we could help. Even if it was just through one moment."
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Post by Joelle on May 8, 2019 9:41:12 GMT -8
Her expression may appear unreadable. She's just... happy that she didn't alienate them but...how did she not? She isn't quite ready to laugh about it yet, because this whole thing feels so surreal.
" I don't get it. I'm not angry, I just don't get it. I alienate so many people forever just by showing them that piece of paper with my mom's picture on it! I have to, I mean, in a sense, it's kind of required since it's illegal not to go to school at our age. Advance warning from me and no one else. I mean I get it that other people have lost their parents too, but as far as murder...that's the part that scares people, like the guy who did it must be a ghost next to me or something! I don't think that's exactly what I meant, but you get it, right? Why didn't you just leave me alone?" she says to Lucian. "Because everyone else does! And then I have like, a minor major medical issue. I call them that because the doctors say it's minor, like it's almost not real and all in my head, but anything where you can't breathe is definitely major and I think those doctors are the ones whose heads aren't on right... when I've known Lucian for fifteen minutes. It's never been this bad for me, ever, but he doesn't know what to do and I can't stop it myself...because the couch is making me sink into it. So I'm half out of it and my head is tingling because it's been that long since I've had a decent breath, and even so, his eyes are huge and so I'm trying to think even though I literally think I might die... so I said I couldn't position my head right on the couch, but don't worry, it's still screwed on... and then just when I think I'm going to die because whatever tears aren't stuck in my airway are in my eyes and I can't see a thing and I'm literally fading,Lawrie, you walked in...and against all odds, I'm still here, but only because neither of you think the man who took down my mom follows me around! Like how did I get so lucky, this once? Why are you both different? Like... how many of you are there? Because I've got plenty of space for friends in my address book. It's not that I think I don't deserve it, it just, well, never happens!" A sort of sob-laugh makes its way out. "So... how? Okay, I'm done, but really, I want to know."
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 8, 2019 10:37:44 GMT -8
Lawrie takes yet another long, slow breath, giving himself-- and Lucian, too-- time to process. He glances at Lucian. He's taken charge of this situation, but he wants his younger brother to answer this one. The question, after all, has been addressed to him.
When Lucian doesn't respond immediately, Lawrie clears his throat to catch the younger boy's attention. Lucian looks up to find Lawrie's eyes begging him to answer this. "Umm," Lucian mutters before clearing his own throat, "I mean... I guess... we were raised right? I dunno. It just- it didn't seem right to abandon you, especially after you babysat the triplets, and you seemed really nice and I- I- I dunno. I like you, I guess and--"
Lucian sucks in a breath as he realizes what he just said. "I- I- I didn't mean it like- I mean- I- I do like you like- but that's not- definitely not- I don't think this is really the right moment for me to... you know... You don't normally tell girls you like them right after they have, like, a full on panic attack right in front of you and basically tell you their whole life story and I swear I didn't plan or- or mean to say any of that right after--"
He glances over at Lawrie, practically holding his breath. As he breathes out, Lucian shrugs. "I'm sorry. I'm really bad at... all... of thia," he sighs, covering his face with his hands, hoping he disappears into the couch for the duration of Aurora's stay.
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Post by Joelle on May 8, 2019 11:30:16 GMT -8
She laughs, but more like in relief than scorn of him. "And you- do you think I honestly meant to do anything other than warn you about something that everybody at school in every single class since- like- the BG seniors the year it happened- has known about? So that you wouldn't hate me? Well, the best I can hope for is normally- ummm.... I get why you had to so soon, and I don't hate you. But those people- the nervous or indifferent ones- don't make very good friends." She looks at Lawrie then, not sure Lucian will quite understand this next idea. "You know- they really don't. It's peer pressure, or some of it is." She turns back to Lucian. "So when you didn't run screaming I liked you a lot already! But then, like I said...my body caught up to my brain and listened to it and gave up. Like- you didn't know what to do. But you didn't run away screaming like a maniac every time I talked to you, either. So like- I'm used to taking what I can get. But this time I got something good!:
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 8, 2019 11:44:36 GMT -8
Lucian blinks. Not fully comprehending in his nervous state, he turns to Lawrence for an explanation. Lawrie shakes uis head, chuckling as he sets a hand on his brother's shoulder. "She's trying to say that she likes you too, Lucian," he says with an encouraging grin. "And I think she's saying thank you for sticking around--"
"Even though I kinda freaked out and had no idea what to do?" Lucian asks nervously. "I should've known... something about how to handle things. I mean, I've been around when--"
Lawrie interrupts Lucian, "You're a kid, Lu. I... don't think she expected you to know. Or to even want to try to help."
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Post by Joelle on May 8, 2019 12:50:10 GMT -8
"Yeah. That last thing Lawrie said, Lucian... I... nobody's ever tried... well, but especially not a cute guy my age! But that's the truth, the other sad part. At least... I was a little more...gone... but I heard you in the kitchen looking for that bag. That means everything and then when you didn't find it you brought your brother, which....people our age don't seem to talk about this, whether it's because they feel unheard or whatever, maybe because we are so young in the first place., so they think it's teen crap and just ignore the fact that.." She sighs. "Like I said- minor major emergency. The doctors- usually- think I'm making it up, but if someone ever says this wasn't real- the worst one I've ever had- " Suddenly, she smirks. "I want both of your help kicking his butt."
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 8, 2019 13:15:03 GMT -8
"Deal!" Lucian says with a huge grin, finally finding a point in the conversation to bring in (or rather continue) humor. Plus, this girl just called him cute. There's a lot to grin about regarding that alone!
Lawrie smiles proudly at his younger brother. "Let's just say that Lu has experience and knowledge of how real these things are. I'm glad we were able to help. Panic attacks are no joke."
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Post by Joelle on May 8, 2019 13:31:15 GMT -8
"One more question, though. They are real- we know- but what the heck is wrong with someone who went to medical school who thinks it's fake? It's wrong- and maybe even dangerous- like today, when I literally couldn't breathe or see! Seriously. That's wrong on so many levels! That's why I said I wanted you guys to help me- not that I wouldn't get a punch or two in myself!" Serious question, but at least she manages to end it with humor again.
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 8, 2019 13:43:04 GMT -8
Lawrie chuckles and shakes his head. "The age old question. It definitely sucks. Especially when the doctors start to recognize you and don't take anything you say seriously. It's happened to me a couple times. It's all, 'oh, it's just in your head like last time, there's nothing actually wrong.' That gets really dangerous too."
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Post by Joelle on May 12, 2019 11:59:10 GMT -8
She nods. "Well, I should probably go home now, but I don't really want to. About Grandma and Grandpa- what should I say later? And should I be walking home by myself? I don't know anymore."
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 12, 2019 12:10:30 GMT -8
"I can walk home with you," Lucian blurts. "I mean... The triplets won't be alone with Lawrie here and all. And- and you're right, you probably shouldn't walk home alone."
"As for your grandparents," Lawrie adds, smiling at his brother. Lucian's getting the hang of this whole talking to girls thing after all, apparently. "Tell them what you think you need to. If you think they need to know that you had a panic attack, explain. If not or you don't think they'll understand, just tell them you got caught up in conversation with your new friends."
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Post by Joelle on May 12, 2019 18:24:36 GMT -8
She nods. "I'll try. And thanks, both of you. I...I don't know. I've walked home a million times by myself. No one cared. But maybe they should have and it was peer pressure like I said? This one was the worst, though, and...thanks. You're both right. And I shouldn't have to when one of those happens." It hadn't been fair. She thought of that every time.... "Maybe, like I said, they're afraid, but it just hurts that they don't seem to care more."
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 12, 2019 19:55:47 GMT -8
"People don't know how to react to panic attacks. I know that just as well as anyone," Lawrie replies. "If you ever need to talk to somebody who unserstands... I'm here."
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Post by Joelle on May 12, 2019 20:18:00 GMT -8
"Thanks. And ditto. It;s rough, isn't it."
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 12, 2019 20:22:36 GMT -8
Lawrie gives Aurora another smile, hoping it comes across as encoiraging as he wants it to. "Yeah. It is. And it can feel really lonely sometimes. Ya gotta have a great support system to be able to work through it. That's what I've found."
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Post by Joelle on May 12, 2019 20:27:20 GMT -8
Aurora nods and sighs. "I guess so. Well," she turns to Lucian. "I think we'd better get going, but first can I use your bathroom? I still have tears on my cheeks because my chest hurt so much and since they don't realize...it's probably best if my grandparents don't notice. For now. Until I know how to talk to them. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't get it, right? I mean I've had so many of these, I thought it would get easier with time, but it never has. Telling people about panic attacks, I mean."
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 12, 2019 20:31:29 GMT -8
"It'll get easier with time," Lawrie assures her, glancing to Lucian. He hopes the younger boy gets the hint to show her to the bathroom. After a short moment passes, Lawrie clears his throat to get Lucian's attention, cocking his head towards the hall.
"Oh. Right. Uhh, yeah, umm, bathroom," Lucian mutters, jutting his thumb down the hallway. "I can- I can show you. It's just... down the hall."
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Post by Joelle on May 14, 2019 18:37:59 GMT -8
Aurora follows. washes her face. and smiles weakly. "How do I look now? I mean, can you still see...?" she asks Lucian.
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 14, 2019 20:06:08 GMT -8
"Much better," Lucian replies, offering her a smile. It takes him a moment before he realizes how that must sound. "Or- uh- I mean- uh... less like you were just crying anyway." Because of course he's gonna screw this up.
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Post by Joelle on May 15, 2019 12:05:10 GMT -8
She smiles a little. "Good. I just remembered something while I was in there... another reason why this is so hard. See...the reason Grandma arguing bothered our family so much is... Asriel Katz is Aunt Claire's biological brother and Elisheva is her best friend. It's shattering... as if arguing during a funeral solves anything anyway." Aurora sighs again.
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 15, 2019 12:20:29 GMT -8
"Funerals already suck enough," Lucian says, thinking back to his mother's. He remembers how tense and teary-eyed everyone was, but specifically how tense and test-eyed he himself was. "If it makes you feel any better, I got really angry at my mom's funeral. It wasn't even over anything important. My dad had to send me out with my oldest brother to calm down."
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Post by Joelle on May 15, 2019 12:26:09 GMT -8
"Yeah. they do. I was so young. but I remember." Why can she never remember good things?
"I was six. How old were you?"
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 15, 2019 12:31:22 GMT -8
"It was like... two years ago?" he replies with a shrug. The poor triplets won't even remember their mom, they lost her so young. "So, like, twelve, I think."
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Post by Joelle on May 15, 2019 13:02:56 GMT -8
"God that's...rough." Aurora sighs. "I-I mean I almost feel like I should be over...never mind, I just meant... great. Now I'm the one screwing things up. It doesn't matter much, though does it? No time limit on grief." She gives him a little smile, then turns to Lawrie. "I guess Lucian and I should get going. Thank you..."
There really are no words to say to someone who has helped her when she thought she was going to die. Thanks isn't enough.
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 15, 2019 13:10:03 GMT -8
Logan and Lavender both pop up their heads at the words "get going." The two little girls run over to hug their new friend. "Are we going to see you again?" Logan asks, Lavender whimpering.
Chuckling ever so slightly, Lawrie peels the two girls away from Aurora. "If you tell dad how much you liked her, I'm sure she'll be back to babysit again," he tells them. "But right now you need to let Lucian walk her back home before it gets too late. Say goodbye!"
The triplets all wave and mumble the word as Lawrie turns back to Aurora. "You're welcome," he says, finally addressing her latest statment. "Stay safe. Lu can give you our numbers if you need to call. For anything."
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Post by Joelle on May 15, 2019 17:17:00 GMT -8
Aurora hugs the kids goodbye. "You wanna know a secret? I don't even have to babysit. I can just be here." She gives them a smile and Lucian a wink, then turns to Lawrie one last time.
" Anything? You're sure you won't regret that statement some night at three in the morning?" asks Aurora, just to be sure. If he says yes, it means she should have had someone like that to call at any time years ago.How much of her life has she been missing?
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Post by starletinwaiting on May 15, 2019 17:50:55 GMT -8
Logan perks up, eyes sparkling, at the idea of Aurora coming back just for fun. "I'd like that!" she squeals, hugging Aurora one more time.
Lawrie nods. "Any time. I'd rather get less sleep than live knowing I could have helped someone in crisis."
Lucian snickers, "Not that you really sleep much anyway. You're always awake, it seems."
This boy has a habit of sharing just a little too much that isn't his to share. Lawrie blows out a long breath before adding, "Insomnia. Just another perk of being me."
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Post by Joelle on May 17, 2019 11:14:06 GMT -8
Aurora nods. "Yeah. Me too. Not that having homework until about 11 at night helps, either. Ick, school." She makes a face. It's really hard without anyone who understands, but she knows she doesn't need to say that.
"Well, we'd better get going, I guess. But thanks. A lot." She smiles.
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