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Post by Joelle on Apr 29, 2019 9:07:28 GMT -8
(OOC:Colored text= memories. All text other than tense original)
April 29, 2019
Celine is suddenly awakened from a sound sleep in the wee hours of the morning by a strange sensation in her stomach, like a nervous twitch. She gasps, but tries not to panic. She's never felt like this before.
It is probably nothing. It's always nothing. Nothing unusual, that is. Hunger pangs, gas, stomachache... but never, not once, has it ever been her baby moving.
Her babies never moved. She had had two miscarriages, the second of which was just before they'd adopted Verity. Now, she suspects she's pregnant again, and Theo knows she suspects, but she's been afraid to say for sure.
It is starting to become obvious that something is going on, though. Both Amy and Claire had commented on recent visits that Celine seems to be outgrowing her wheelchair. They do have another, a bigger one, for pregnancy and after childbirth, that they had bought after finding out she was pregnant the first time when she explained that if she didn't have another,bigger wheelchair, it would cause pressure sores as her body grew.
But they've never used it. It never got to the point where they had to. Now, though, they are starting, and have kept her waking in the night wincing for at least a few weeks now.
But if the baby didn't move, how could she know there was one?
It is why they are in a smaller house now, one that was not their first home. After the second miscarriage, the empty space only magnified her grief.
She gasps again, feeling the strange sensation. Please, God.... She feels the need to tell Theo to call Robin, to confirm if this is really what she's been hoping for, but she pushes the thought aside. The majority of the Nobles live in Neighboring City now, but when she is in the place between awake and asleep, like now, her mind thinks they're in Africa.
But Celine's mom, Fiona Andrieux, couldn't help her confirm it either. It's why Celine and her siblings were adopted in the first place. Having miscarriages is a terrible loss to bear, but being born with no eggs at all, like Fiona, means there's not even a chance of a pregnancy.
Think about something else until you can go back to sleep.
She remembers the first time they met, and if she's right, she conceived on the anniversary of the day they met and she couldn't get into the house. She had been clinging to the wheelchair, which was half on the steps and half off...
December 19, 2006
Theo confidently bounded down the steps and landed next to Celine. "I hope you don't mind..." he said as he scooped her up. He lifted her with ease, one muscular arm behind her back and the other under her knees. "Nice to meet you." He flashed her a charming grin. Trenton rolled his eyes as he folded up the wheel chair and hoisted it under one arm.
*As embarrassed as Celine was having been the cause of a "situation", she was soothed a little by the fact that no one really seemed to care about anything except that she was OK.*
"Nicetomeetyoutoo," she said, her shortness of breath turning it into one word. She was clinging to Theo in fright. She was pale and scared, but her color came back in a rush, even though she was shaking. "I'm Celine. You saved my life. And you two are...?"
She smiles a little. In his arms from the first night and inseparable ever since. She remembers how she had shivered when everyone was about to leave after Theo said he wanted to take her out on a date telling him that he had forgotten to help her get her wheelchair down the stairs in a voice that suggested she was only half-teasing.
Theo sensed the seriousness behind her comment. He bent down to look in her eyes. "I would never let you fall," he said. Then he hoisted her up and held her until her family was ready to move forward.
"I know," *she whispered back.* It almost brought tears to her eyes, knowing that she could probably take that comment seriously both physically and emotionally. She relaxed in his arms until her father was ready to pull the car around. Handshakes and hugs were given all around, then they left. Celine watched Theo until she couldn't see him anymore. She was already planning what to wear to their date.
The feeling comes again, and she gasps,keeping her breath light in case it stops if she takes in more air.
It doesn't stop. Thank you, Father.... she prays silently.
Knowing sleep will be impossible now, she tries to find Theo with her eyes.
"Don't let me fall, Theo. You'll be carrying two of us now...."
She feels she's going to break apart if she lets out the sobs that suddenly want to well up to the surface. They are the tears of a thousand emotions... longing, sadness for her two losses, relief that this time everything is fine, worry that everyone who works in the hospital will think she's a bad mother for not scheduling any prenatal appointments before now. Hoping preaching hasn't softened him, so that if she needs it, he can still scoop her up at a moment's notice, like he did when he was a dance teacher. (He is one still, but her mind still wants to sleep even if her heart can't.)
That last thought actually amuses her, and she laughs even as her tears come.
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Post by MarieEliz (Mayor) on Apr 30, 2019 12:01:08 GMT -8
Theo's eyelids open heavily. He thinks he heard a sound like a sob, but it isn't immediately apparent where it came from. Instinctively he reaches for Celine, just to give her a squeeze, as he often does. This time he feels her shaking. He quickly rises onto an elbow. "Sweetie?"
His stomach twists. He hopes this isn't happening again. Celine has been through so much. Hasn't she had enough?
Theo often thinks about the two babies they lost before they adopted Verity. He had been so excited to learn Finn would be a big brother. He wondered what a biological child of his and Celine's would look like. Several of his siblings had children. Maybe his child would look like them. And yet it had ended in pain and disappointment, not once, but twice.
He tries to brace himself for another loss, preemptively pushing the pain into the compost pile.
He almost laughs as he remembers their wedding, already eight years ago. Pastor Deschaine had given a beautiful sermon, but the part that returns to his mind regularly is cowpies.
Picture your marriage as a grassy field. You enter it at the beginning full of hope and joy. You look out into the future and you see beautiful flowers and trees and rolling hills. And that beauty is what you see in each other. Your relationship is the field and flowers and the rolling hills. But before long, you begin to step in cow pies. Some seasons of your marriage they may seem to be everywhere. Late at night they are especially prevalent. These are the sins and flaws and idiosyncrasies and weaknesses and annoying habits in you and your spouse. You try to forgive them and endure them with grace.
But they have a way of dominating the relationship. It may not even be true, but it feels like that’s all there is—cow pies. I think the combination of forbearance and forgiveness leads to the creation of a compost pile. And here you begin to shovel the cow pies. You both look at each other and simply admit that there are a lot of cow pies. But you say to each other: You know, there is more to this relationship than cow pies. And we are losing sight of that because we keep focusing on these cow pies. Let’s throw them all in the compost pile. When we have to, we will go there and smell it and feel bad and deal with it the best we can. And then, we are going to walk away from that pile and set our eyes on the rest of field. We will pick some favorite paths and hills that we know are not strewn with cow pies. And we will be thankful for the part of field that is sweet.
Our hands may be dirty. And our backs make ache from all the shoveling. But one thing we know: We will not pitch our tent by the compost pile. We will only go there when we must. This is the gift of grace that we will give each other again and again and again—because we are chosen and holy and loved.
Celine's health challenges were cowpies. Struggling with fertility was cowpies. Losing babies was cowpies. Paying bills was cowpies. Sometimes even parenthood was cowpies. But Theo kept remembering to shovel the cowpies into the compost pile. Then it would be used to fertilize the beautiful parts. The woman next to him, beautiful inside and out. The shining faces sleeping down the hall. The lovely home they made together.
Theo rubs Celine's back and waits for her to respond.
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Post by Joelle on Apr 30, 2019 13:38:19 GMT -8
(OOC: I did NOT plan the part about her being due on his birthday. I'm just now remembering when everyone's is, LOL. But when I realized it was the 19th of December they met (I had misread the date at the old board, so must have been some dust on my laptop) and I wanted it to have been conceived then, then I was like Wow, the board conspired against me.  )
"Help me. I'm breaking.... it moved... it moved. " She clings to him in her terrible panic. Why is she falling apart now? She should be happy. It moved. But all she can think of is, maybe if she doesn't breathe it won't stop moving. On top of that, she has survived so much- not just now, but throughout her life- but it always seems like she falls apart at the good things. Why does everything always have to seem like a joke- like it won't last- if it is good? She remembers throwing up on the senior trip, after Nell had called....
Carmen and Celine checked into their room. Celine, who needed it the most, got the bed closest to the door. Good thing it was also the bed closest to the bathroom. As soon as they were settled, she felt like she had to throw up, though it was because she was upset from her sister calling and not from any contagious illness.
When Theo had said he didn't understand why she was so upset, she'd only cried harder.
"Because what if it's a big joke?" Celine sobbed. "You know how long I've wanted to see her. And now that it's actually happening I'm scared it might not be real."
Nell had stayed... but the last two babies Celine had been pregnant with had not. Not that she hadn't cried, and prayed, and vented then too... but somehow, she hadn't broken She is only breaking now. Her sobs are making her tremble so hard she literally fears that she will come apart. It is longing and relief, mixed with a tiny bit of fear of another disappointment. After all, just because a baby moved didn't mean it couldn't die in the womb, or, God forbid, at a few months old of SIDS. She feels in her soul that this one will live with them forever- but what if she's wrong? Loss is something expected. Even Jesus had said Himself, "In this world you will have trouble...." Dreams, however, do not always come true.
And suddenly she knows why she is breaking. Why good things always break her,
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick," she chokes out brokenly, quoting Proverbs 13:12. It covers everything from why she'd cried on the senior trip all the way up to now. Maybe she should have quoted it back then. She can't say any more for the sobs that are escaping despite herself, but she knows he will likely be able to fill in the rest.Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
She finally pulls back after awhile to look at him. "Did you hear what I said? Don't let me fall... you'll be carrying two of us now... it's moving. I'm afraid if I breathe it will stop." She pauses to try to take in air. "My mom can't help me with this, you know. I don't know what's normal. Would your parents mind terribly coming home from Africa? This one has to work." She still feels panicky, but after a minute she has to ask him something else. "Do you want to feel? It was conceived on December 19." Her tears are starting again. But she tries to give him a sleepy, watery smile. She also realizes that might mean she is due on his birthday, but she probably doesn't have to say that. Still, talk about pressure! She doesn't want to ruin his birthday if... "God! Please! I can't even with that pressure!" It was another reason she had broken. Now, she is mimicking their niece, Aurora, who uses that expression often, sometimes in exaggeration. Celine is laughing and crying all at once, but she isn't exaggerating one bit! "Then we'll tell everyone and I bet they'll say, "It's about time." Celine sighs. "I hate that expression. Like we haven't been trying." She loves Theo with all of her being, but sometimes she wishes things were a little more...private. As much as being honest about her pain is pointing her parents to Jesus, she loathes knowing that because Theo is the pastor, everyone will probably ask. "To an extent, I've been spared some of the 'When are you having kids?' stuff, but I feel like that's because people like me...mothers with a disability... sort of... almost aren't expected to exist. I mean, they're usually not seen in the media. I could have talked to Libby about it, but when she and Tristan put the babies up for adoption... it's not the same. I don't know which is worse. To want something and be denied, or to have no one acknowledge that I want it!"' She had never quite been able to tell him this part. "I've been holding that in for years...trying to find the words to explain..." And the baby moves again, as if it is trying to make her smile. |
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Post by MarieEliz (Mayor) on May 1, 2019 8:48:18 GMT -8
(OOC: To calculate a due date, you start with the first day of the last period (which is about 2 weeks before conception), add 7 days, then count back 3 months. If she conceived on Dec 19, the first day of her period would be about Dec 5. That makes her due date Sept 12. This website says to add 280 days to the first day of the period. Plugged in the conception date and it says Sep 11). Theo remains silent. He knows Celine is spiraling and all he can do is support her. He places a hand on her belly and waits. "I don't think you're quite big enough for me to feel it, yet," he says. As the second of 18 children, he had be privy to many of his mother's pregnancies. "I'm sure everything is fine. Do you want to go to the hospital?" |
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Post by Joelle on May 1, 2019 10:38:50 GMT -8
*OOC: Oooh OK. I forgot that part. But it may not be like she would know this either since her miscarriages were earlier ones. If he or Robin explains, she will relax. )
She breathes more deeply, thinking. "Um... no. I just wanted you to know it's... in there..." she says, still in awe.
She had never had any trouble getting pregnant. It was the staying pregnant that didn't work.
She is confused by what he is saying about her not being big enough for him to feel it yet, but she smiles anyway. "I was trying to be romantic. What did you mean, though? And what do you think of all this? Especially the last part. I was... it's hard. I tried to tell you so many times, but I had trouble finding words..."
There are adaptations for mothers in wheelchairs, a few of which they already have, such as a side-opening crib. But she isn't talking about modifications.
"I exist!" She exclaims in frustration. " Before I met you I'd have said I'd almost rather be asked when I was going to have kids. That would be painful, but... when are people going to realize that there are no formulas when it comes to being human? Carmen understands somewhat, from a different perspective because of her increased risk of stillbirth due to surviving cancer. She's said enough times 'Never assume, it makes" She pauses, "... the biblical word for donkey out of 'u' and 'me', She can't resist an attempt at a smile, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "I didn't mean to not say anything until now, I just couldn't find the words. People with disabilities who want children exist. Or even just people with disabilities who want a beautiful, healthy, loving relationship. Having health challenges and needing extra help doesn't mean I was a perpetual child." Celine sighs. She wouldn't be married if she were still a child. "I know I'm an adult, and you probably know I'm a woman," She can't resist a wink, but then she turns serious again. "I exist... don't I?" In the eyes of culture, maybe not. Yet here she is, alive and feeling him next to her. "It's painful to think you have no one who you can go to for help because those things aren't talked about or seen very often. I exist." Celine is desperate to at least try to explain this to him.
As if to prove her point, the baby finally kicks again. ""And so does this little one."
She is now breathing more calmly. "At least... I exist to you and to God. Right?" She looks at him for confirmation. "I love you, Theo...." She is exhausted, and not only from her tears. "I didn't mean to hide this for so long."
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Post by MarieEliz (Mayor) on May 1, 2019 12:58:31 GMT -8
Theo laughs. "I won't be offended if you say ass." He lays on his side with his arm resting over her, his hand on her belly. "I knew it. I could see the glow on your face. You look especially alive when you are pregnant." He kisses her again. "I know this wears on you and how much you want a baby of your own. You are the most important person in the world to me and I want to give you everything you want. "
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Post by Joelle on May 1, 2019 14:57:41 GMT -8
(OOC: Just asking, what is the Noble ancestry. Celine's last name before she was adopted was Pappas, so she's Greek, but the name Andrieux is French. (I forget where, but there ARE blonde Greeks, and I'll put that area of Greece somewhere in her info. I'm guessing they have some English, because,,,Noble... but besides that.When Theo mentions that he wonders what a child with their blood would look like, I wondered.)
She nods. "Don't get me wrong. I love Finn and Verity with my heart and soul. And they've kept me from going insane... especially after that second miscarriage. So I'm not questioning their presence in our lives at all, even though even I was surprised by learning about Finn. Like... how quickly he... existed, and I felt the urge to adopt him, despite the fact that I didn't want to get pregnant right away anyway. I thought we would have more time to be alone myself. But then I remembered my biological parents abandoning me. and I... there's no way around it. I panicked. I think that will always hurt. No... it will. There is no thinking needed. I still don't know how you can tell your children to trust God and then do that. Having those memories influenced that adoption, though God knows having Finn kept me myself. It kept the awful memories from overwhelming me, so I've never regretted a second. But... I want babies with your and my blood, too. And my biological mom had two more after me, so there's time to have more after this one, too. We're young yet." She knows they will always need a storage room for her standing frame, wheelchairs, and other things. Still...
She grins. "We'll move back to the area with bigger houses yet." She kisses him. "Speaking of that... Amy and Claire are right. I may not be huge yet, but I'm outgrowing the wheelchair. The pressure sores... I'd read that, but I didn't understand. It's time for the bigger one... finally. But tomorrow." What is Celine saying? She can't always see the clock, but it's probably around 3 AM now. It is tomorrow! "I mean... after we sleep," Celine has been awake long enough to know that everything is all right now, and that the Nobles are in Neighboring City. She groans, remembering how she hadn't been able to breathe for panic and emotion. "Oh goodness... the Africa thing...maybe I really am losing my mind tonight. I forgot your mom is close enough to call. They were gone so long. And what if everyone at the hospital thinks I'm a bad mom for going in for the first time this late? I wanted to know it would stay, first, but...am I an idiot?" She has to know she isn't losing her sanity to the pain she has suffered.
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Post by MarieEliz (Mayor) on May 1, 2019 17:10:40 GMT -8
Theo musters his energy and sits up. "Are you kidding? New moms are always unsure what to expect. Do you want to go?"
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Post by Joelle on May 1, 2019 18:01:18 GMT -8
"No I'm not kidding, this is making me crazy... I just mean... people can be so insensitive. I'm afraid that because I waited to see if it was alive first I will seem... reckless... about the health of our baby." Celine doesn't quite understand what he says next. "I... where?" She's already told him she doesn't need to go to the hospital. A prenatal appointment has to be scheduled, anyway, or so she thinks, and could always be taken care of later, preferably after sleep. Is he actually suggesting...? "They won't mind?" If she were woken up at 3 in the morning... but then she realizes that she and Theo have been at times, though maybe not recently. Pastors always have to make themselves available. And she needs Ben and Robin to know everything, even the part she still can't believe she found the words for. She'd never been able to tell them, not even Tristan.Not because she is angry at Tristan and Libby, but because she had had no words for the feelings she thought no one else but God would understand back then.
"And what would we do with two sleepy kids, one of which is a second-grader who has school in... I can't do math this early!" That has to be considered regardless of where they are going. |
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Post by MarieEliz (Mayor) on May 2, 2019 18:08:40 GMT -8
Theo stifles a yawn. Poorly. "So you don't want to go to the hospital? Well, if you're sure." He is not sorry to lay back down and snuggle with his wife. "How about we go see my mom as soon as we drop off the kids? Verity has Pre-K tomorrow." He yawns again.
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Post by Joelle on May 2, 2019 20:32:52 GMT -8
"Okay. Sounds good." She sighs in relief.
"One last thing. You know...when it moved... I thought of the senior trip. That's why I cried then, too, you know," she says, just to give a non-hormonal example. "I wonder if Talon ever forgave me for supposedly making the trip more difficult. Carmen said he thought I was being dramatic, even though I wasn't then, either. Though... she was trying to help me by getting change, not annoy him. Going to your room was her idea, not mine. What did you say to him, if anything? The possibility of seeing my sister after almost 5 years...It was too good not to break me, but I couldn't remember what verse it was then. The bad things are bad, but expected. Jesus warned us about those, so they're not... they don't shock me as badly Well, with the exception of Dawn. We'd had all those robberies, so I was already on edge because what if someone broke in with me in my wheelchair?" She still doesn't like thinking about that, but she goes on. "The bad things...I ache and cry and pray, of course. but too many disappointments and you kind of get used to it. But this... she sighs. "For things like this, I'm just glad I have you to hold me together. I love you so much. " She kisses him tenderly before finally closing her eyes, but he will probably know she's listening.
(OOC: the thread ended on her crying, so I never did know what Theo said to comfort her after or if Theo gave him a talking to or what.)
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Post by MarieEliz (Mayor) on May 3, 2019 13:03:15 GMT -8
Theo brushes her hair against her pillow as they lay in silence. He always prided himself in strength. From his youth he had been drilled on being a strong dance partner and was consistently one of the top dancers in his classes, able to lift the female dancers. He always believed he was made and developed to be Celine's protector. She made him feel needed. Despite the opportunities he had in his life and even growing up in Africa, his life didn't include the kinds of challenges Celine's had. They both had families of faith, they both spent their lives training in physical art. Theo always got what he wanted and needed, though. He supposed he learned early independence from being one of the oldest in a large family, but one of his parents were always at every performance, at least when he wasn't on tour. The last eight years with Celine were a whole new ballgame and emotional roller coaster. She was his best cheerleader and they had the best and deepest conversations. She was also his biggest challenge. As a pastor he was expected to be a lot of things to a lot of people. Celine, as a pastor's wife, was, too. Theo knew his ministry started right here at home. berkshireglen.freeforums.net/thread/214/visiting-mama |
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Post by Joelle on May 13, 2019 12:22:18 GMT -8
(OOC: Them in bed the night she felt the baby move, though that woman's hair isn't curly like Celine's. Also I love that bed. It looks huge- big enough for them, but also probably both kids if they have nightmares.)  |
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2 new BG babies! (for real)
